21-year-old college student boards plane without her sister and her 3 small kids after her husband was barred from boarding for disorderly conduct: 'My mom was particularly mad that I didn’t stay and support my sister'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 4, 2024 4:00 PM EST

How responsible are you for the bad behavior of your family members? That's a question we all have to ask ourselves at one point or another, and there's no 100% correct answer to it. You might be the one who is always picking up the pieces when things fall apart with your family members, and that's an admirable thing to take on. It's equally admirable to stand strong in your conviction that you are responsible for yourself, your mistakes, your success, and nobody else's. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle of this dichotomy, and our attitudes towards our responsibilities vary between family members. 

The young woman in this story decided she wasn't responsible for her brother-in-law's rowdy behavior in the airport. When she, her sister, her sister's 3 kids, and her sister's husband were at the airport to fly to their parent's house for Christmas, she decided to board despite her brother-in-law causing a ruckus so large he prevented himself from boarding. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10436759552
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for boarding a plane without my sister and leaving her and her kids behind?
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 03
    Throwaway/fake names. I (21 F) am currently going to college in the same town my sister (27 F) and her family live in. We are about a 6 hour flight from my hometown where our parents and extended family live. We had planned on all flying back to our hometown for thanksgiving a few days ago.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 04
    ic. Any For some background, my BIL who I'll call Bill is an alc kind of event where alcol is provided or purchasable ends with him getting in fights and causing issues. He yells, throws things and gets generally aggressive. My sister arrived at the airport before me and when I arrived at the gate an hour and a half before boarding he was nowhere to be found and my sister was struggling to keep track of three small children and all their luggage.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 05
    He did not come check on them once in the entire hour and a half, I only saw him when he came staggering over to the waiting area when it was time to board. As soon as my sister started talking to him he started to get loud and aggressive. I watched from the boarding line (different groups) as it escalated to the point where security confronted him. My sister waved me over and I got out of line. She told me that they weren't going to allow him to fly and that she needed help.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 06
    I asked if I should take Bills seat so I could sit next to one of the kids and not leave her alone on a long flight with all three. She was confused and repeated that Bill couldn't fly with us. I asked if she was going to stay behind and sort his shout and she said yes. I told her that in that case I probably couldn't help her. Her kids are all 6 and under (6, 3, 9 months) and would need her.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 07
    My sister was still confused and then told me that she expected me to stay behind and help her deal with her husband and kids. I told her no. Traveling around the holidays is insane, there likely wouldn't be enough open seats for us to get a later flight if Bill is even still going to be allowed to fly at all.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 08
    I was excited to see our family, and her kids were not my responsibility. She got upset and told me that she didn't know what to do with her husband and if he couldn't fly (or worse) she didn't know how she'd handle it. I told her it was not my problem. Bill isn't a child that needs supervision and it's not her job to deal with him throwing a tantrum and getting in trouble with security. That we could just board the plane and leave him to face the consequences of his own actions.
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 09
    She said he is her responsibility. I told her that if she knows how he is when he drinks and that if he was her responsibility she should've done something to prevent this and that the situation she was in was all on her. She chose to marry an alc ic not me. I wouldn't be missing my family for Thanksgiving because her husband can't hold his liquor. I boarded the flight and she stayed behind. My family was happy I made it but many of them called me insensitive for what I said and my mom was parti
    via u/Ok_Sherbet_2114
  • 10
    NUredditNU None of your family would've stayed behind to deal with that mess either. Definitely NTA
    via u/NUredditNU
  • 11
    xLilyPetal Exactly! No one would expect to be stuck in that chaotic situation, especially when it's not their responsibility. Your choice to prioritize your own plans and not take on something you weren't responsible for was totally justified. Definitely NTA!
    via u/xLilyPetal
  • 12
    GuiltyPeach1208 NTA and I think your initial idea made absolute sense: you and sister take the kids, leave him behind to figure out his BS. However, I wonder if there's something more going on. Is your sister afraid that if she left him there, he would harm her or the kids? Is he ab ive behind closed doors? Somehow she would "pay for it" later? I'm not trying to make OP feel guilty or anything, just wondering if the sister needs more help than the family realizes.
    via u/GuiltyPeach1208
  • 13
    Daisy Whispers_ You're NTA. Your sister is being selfish. You're not obligated to deal with her husband's drinking problem. You did the right thing by boarding the plane. Your family is being hypocritical by criticizing you. They know Bill is a problem and wouldn't have stayed either.
    via u/DaisyWhispers_
  • 14
    Silly_Southerner "Every time you chastise me or bother me about not staying behind to help with Bill, I'm going to act like Bill. I'm going to yell, scream, break things, and ruin any event I'm at, and ensure you and everyone else around is miserable. And if it happens enough times, I will cut you out of my life for choosing a toxic, ab ive, alc icah le and his enabler's feelings over me and my well-being." End.
    via u/Silly_Southerner
  • 15
    BadBandit1970 NTA. Have you heard anything from your sister as far as what happened after you left? Why should you give up your holiday because he's an alc ic. In fact, why should your sister and niblings have to as well? She should've joined you on the flight home and let her husband figure it out. He's an adult. He can suffer the consequences of his actions.
    via u/BadBandit1970
  • 16
    Getting drink at the airport is not a wise idea; security does not play. Nor do the airport police. Security and the airport police aren't going to want a belligerent drink roaming the terminal. Chances are he would have been arrested for disorderly conduct along with public intoxication. Probably would've spent the night in jail which probably do him a bit of good. Or placed somewhere until someone could come get him.
    via u/BadBandit1970
  • 17
    For those calling you "insensitive" ask them would they be refunding your ticket because of your BIL's behavior? Would they give up their holiday for a dr_nk man's shenanigans? Most likely the answer is going to "no".
    via u/BadBandit1970
  • 18
    stopcallingmeSteve_ Airport jail too. It can be tough to talk to a lawyer, you don't know where you are in the airport, generally it's not the viewing lounge.
    via u/stopcallingmeSteve_
  • 19
    Difficult-Low-2698 NTA I'm actually incredibly proud of how mature and reasonable you were with your sister! You and everyone here is right, you didn't marry him, you didn't have kids with him, you didn't provide him access to alcol before a flight. If she believes she's responsible for him, then she's going to have an incredibly lonely and difficult life with that man. Be proud of yourself for having reasonable boundaries, and enforcing them better than your family clearly taught. Proud big sis
    via u/Difficult-Low-2698
  • 20
    SeaworthinessDue8650 You didn't marry him. He is not your responsibility. NTA.
    via u/SeaworthinessDue8650
  • 21
    Melodic_Sail_6193 I don't get it why the sister didn't take her three children and simply abandoned the man baby.
    via u/Melodic_Sail_6193
  • 22
    TrustSweet BIL shouldn't be OP's sister's "responsibility" either. Because he's a grown-up. Sister's actual children are her responsibility. Her husband should be responsible for the consequences of his own actions/poor choices. Sister should have taken OP's advice, gotten on the plane with her kids, and left dr ink husband to deal with his own mess. Agreed OP is NTA.
    via u/TrustSweet
  • 23
    CampSpiritual3808 Your sister knows his husband and she is choosing to continue to make babies from that man. She has 4 children and one of them is stronger than her and probably ab sing her. Not divorcing is her choice not yours. Your mother is supporting this bulls too. You did the right thing. He is not your husband, he shouldn't have the opportunity to destroy your life because your sister can't make any good decisions.
    via u/CampSpiritual3808
  • 24
    Shadow4summer NTA. I find it odd that your sister expected you stay behind and help her wrangle her husband (and probably kids, too). This is her mess and it's not going to end without her changing. She is totally enabling his behavior. She should have left him to his own devices and boarded the plane with you. If she misses the family get together, it's on her.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 25
    MrsRetiree2Be OP's mother's response is odd, too.
    via u/MrsRetiree2Be

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